Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of August 28

Welcome to another rousing trip through the news with the Coffee-Soaked Awards!

Thanks for Paying Attention Award
This one goes out to Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT) for telling the Governor of Montana that he should declare a fire emergency. Just like the one the governor declared over a month ago. We like to call that "being perceptive".

It's a Scream Award
After a couple of years, two famous paintings by Edvard Munch have been found and returned to their proper places in the museum in Oslo, Norway. Congratulations go out to the Norweigian police. In a side note, the little man in the painting was quoted as saying, "Aaaaaaaaaah!"

Did He or Didn't He Award
Handed out to the FBI, for their wanted poster concerning one of the top ten most wanted people in the world, Osama bin Laden. The poster omits all references to the Sept. 11 attacks that bin Laden claimed responsibility for, and there's no specific reason given as to why his reward got bumped up after the attacks. Conspiracy theorists claim it's because bin Laden wasn't actually responsible for the attacks. Bin Laden's mother says it's because her son doesn't shave often enough.

You Can't Do That On Television Award
British broadcaster Channel 4 gets this one, for their plans to air a drama, shot in documentary style, about a fictional assassination of GDub. The creators are not surprised at the uproar they've already received, and are planning on also airing a program about the fictional resignation of Tony Blair. No script has been determined yet for the fictional AA meeting of Boris Yeltsin.

Excellence in Criticism Award
This week, Keith Olbermann of MSNBC delivered a stinging rebuke of "Gin" Rummy's most recent speech, where Rummy pulled out the Nazi card and was a breath away from calling his detractors traitors. Olbermann pointed out that the Bush administration also shares historical ties... to Neville Chamberlain.

Congratulations to our winners, and everyone hug a teamster this weekend.