Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Iron oxidized

Does anyone remember Mike Tyson? The guy that beat up Robin Givens, tried to chew off another boxer's ear, and allegedly threw a television while in prison on a number of different charges? The man with a voice higher than Michael Jackson's, but with anger issues severe enough that nobody would mention it to his face? The guy who formerly went around as "Iron" Mike... who is now coming out of retirement (of sorts) to box for charity.

This actually may not be the worst idea that Tyson has ever had. After all, people will pay huge fees to watch men years past their prime try to knock each other out (I'm looking at you, George Foreman). And the mere notion of being able to see Tyson on pay-per-view has many that remember his glory years salivating over their credit cards, just waiting to be able to tune in the channel. Nevermind that Tyson himself said that the fights are probably only going to last around four rounds (the same time it took Uwe Boll to knock out four critics) during a press conference, and that his first "opponent" will be his former sparring partner. That's right, folks. Cough up the dough to watch Tyson beat on the guy he used to practice with.

But the scariest part, and the part that shows Tyson as being almost out of touch enough to get a job in the Bush White House, is that "Iron" Mike is also entertaining the notion of taking on women during his "World Tour". Tyson himself seems to think that the years of whispering sweet nothings to his opponent while chewing on the cartilege of the ear are far behind him. And even though Tyson is hoping to face-off against women who are professional boxers, like Ann Wolfe (21-1, 15KO), he has to realize the dangerous ground he's already stepped into by merely suggesting it.

Although, if Tyson really does want to box against a woman, I've got a couple of names I'd throw his way. Tonya Harding and Courtney Love could probably do a bit of a number of the big guy, especially if Courtney proposed, or Tonya had a tire iron. As for the dream match-up, the one that would get my hard earned dollars? I'd pay to see Mike Tyson take on Janet Reno. We all know that Reno's got the reach, and a killer hook. Just ask Bill....

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