Thursday, December 21, 2006

Don't tell him it's fake

Oh, Kevin Federline. Why must you continually abuse our minds with your existence? And why do you have to go out of your way to prove that you're even less intelligent and talented than we originally thought (a difficult feat, I know)? With the knowledge secure in our heads that being the ex-Mr. Britney Spears would lead to you vanishing from existence, why did you have to show up anywhere again? And People Magazine? Don't think you're getting off the hook easily, because you're just as guilty.

Sure, we could blame someone else, too, but there's a good chance that they're just trying to give the world what it wants. But we can still blame People for continuing to foist K-Fed on us, and we can blame K-Fed for foisting himself on the WWE.

True, in many ways, this seems like a match made in heaven. K-Fed gets to live out what is, in many circles, a white-trash dream, by getting to dress in leather and pretend to beat the snot out of someone, while the fans get to watch this never-been get trounced like he so richly deserves. But you have to wonder if K-Fed even realizes the nature of a professional wrestling match (and yes, this is after he's already appeared in WWE events). Yes, it's fake. Yes, it's scripted. Oh, and yes, most of the professional wrestlers are huge, musclebound, steroid-enhanced monsters who could break someone like Federline in half if he even thought about stepping off-script.

Ultimately, what does a move like this do for either party? Well, for Federline, it succeeds in landing him more television time, something that's evaporating faster than you can say "divorce text message". For the WWE, they get to promote a match between one of their top talents, and a smarmy punk that never earned a cent that he lived off of. And for John Cena, the man who will be facing K-Fed, he gets the pleasure of (again) beating K-Fed, thereby acting as an extension for all of humanity.

Actually, maybe this is a win-win situation. Just as long as the WWE remembers the problems that once sprang up in the wrestling world around David Arquette.

Because, really? Anything that David Arquette touches turns to rot. Just look at Courtney Cox.

Oh, and a happy belated birthday to Polinaut, since they kind of inspired the CSM to get rolling. They just don't have as much snark, and they tend to stay on subject better...

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