Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A swift pat on the back

Every year, Time magazine releases their "Person of the Year" issue. Every year, people can look forward to the end of December cover, to find out who Time has decided to enshrine as the most influential member of the human race for the past twelve months. Every year, there is a decision to be made between choosing an archetype, such as 2003's "The American Soldier", and choosing a caricature, such as 2004's "George W. Bush". This year, Time decided to really put all of its eggs in one basket.

Apparently, Time could do no better than to declare that "You" ("We") are the "Person(s) of the Year". The even used the old trick sometimes found in children's books about including a piece of silver mylar so that the reader could see their own image emblazoned into the magazine. At least, until said magazine is thrown onto a coffee table, and the family dog uses it as a bed. At that point, according to the logic of the mylar, the dog's hindquarters will become the "Person(s Body Parts) of the Year".

But could Time have chosen a better choice than "You" ("Us")? Could anyone have possibly had more impact on the past year than humanity? True, the magazine is trying to say that the "You" ("They") that they are referring to are people like "You" ("Me") who have helped to forge what the internet currently is, it's not like they're really keeping people who don't have blogs or a YouTube addiction from being recognized. Also, it's not like you can put mylar on the internet itself, allowing surfers to see themselves recognized on Time's website, thereby already poking a slight hole in the magazine's recognition of "You" ("Everyone").

But really, we should all thank Time for this honor. Who knew that obsessively conversing about reality television and celebrity nipple slips while eating chocolate cake would help us achieve heights of fame previously seen by people ranging from Bono to Adolf Hitler? And, don't worry, all of you who don't get online and make an impact that way. We still see you standing strong, reading the magazines in the check-out aisles of the grocery stores. We are all "Person(s) of the Year", and we can be proud that we beat out everyone else on the planet, who also was recognized in such fashion.

Just proves that we're all special. Just like everyone else.

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