Monday, February 26, 2007

Requirements: Sub-par intelligence, greed

The last few decades have seen an upswing in a once-banished trend in China. Namely, the trend is for Chinese businessmen to keep mistresses in second homes, away from the prying eyes of their legal spouse. But what do you do when your wife discovers that you're a joiner, and have a mistress of your own?

Well, one man in China is taking matters into his own hands, especially given that his wife seems to want to take matters into hers. She's made it clear that she's interested in beating up his mistress, to protect her marital stake and keep him on the straight and narrow. His response was to take out an Internet ad looking for a stand-in mistress, one that would take the physical abuse while his actual mistress is kept safe. The reward for being chosen for this particular job? The woman will get paid the equivalent of $400 per 10 minutes of beating.

Of course, with the world we currently live in, it should be no surprise that there have already been a number of applicants for this position. It should also be no surprise to anyone who reads the CSM that we're pretty certain that there were smarter ways to go about this whole mess. The first, of course, would be for the businessman to buck tradition, and decide that he really only needs the one woman in his life, especially given that she's itching to fight the other woman he's been giving his affections to. The second option would be to try to explain the full situation to his wife, all while dodging the haymakers that she was intending on raining down on his mistress. The third option would be to cower and hide from the entire situation, hoping that it will all work itself out, knowing that, at worst, it's time to get a new mistress.

Then, of course, there's always the professional wrestling option, where the businessman arrives just as the fight is about to begin, distracts his wife while his mistress gets either a set of brass knuckles or a folding chair, and then somehow finds himself caught in the crossfire as either the wife dodges, or the women join forces against him.

Yeah, we don't really think that last option is horribly likely. And yet, anytime we turn on the WWE, that's the exact situation we see. Maybe the ad really is the best way to go. If only we could get that sort of problem-solving done in America, then maybe we wouldn't have to keep seeing Cameron Diaz or Britney Spears. Anywhere.

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