Thursday, April 19, 2007

Sometimes you feel like an A, sometimes a D

We're not talking about grades, here. We're, naturally, talking about breasts. To be specific, the artificial kind. Breast implants have been around for awhile, lending confidence to previously small-breasted women, helping out those who have dealt with breast cancer, and, with little doubt, extended (or possibly caused) the careers of pornographic stars. Some days, it seems like there is very little that these devices cannot do.

Except change size.

But wait. They actually have been able to do that for a short time now. Of course, the ability to slim down the bust to a modest B-cup while running or wearing a sweatshirt, only to enhance it up to a D or better for that low-cut evening gown still doesn't exist. But relatively new adjustable implants do allow for less second-guessing by both the patient and the doctor. In fact, after the implantation procedure, the new breasts can actually be adjusted over a period of several weeks, until they reach the desired effect.

Just think what this could mean in the long run. By being able to, for all intents and purposes, customize implants to the patient, this should cut down on the need for future surgeries. The chances of another Tara Reid just got slimmer, although they aren't completely eliminated. And the usage of adjustable implants will increase the likelihood of patients being happy with their "after" look, helping grant them the confidence that they were seeking.

Of course, here at the CSM, we're looking into the future, and we can only imagine a time where the implant recipients no longer need to visit a doctor to adjust their size, or wait over a period of weeks until their body can handle the exact proportions intended. No, we see a day where women can adjust their own breasts, according to clothing preferences, activities planned, and amount of attention being sought. Want to turn heads in a fancy dinner party? Just plump up the girls and put them on display. Looking to get some exercise in? Flatten them down a bit, so you can still achieve that feminine shape, without the potential for pain. Annoyed by that guy at the end of the bar who just can't stop staring? Heck, make them concave, and see him run for the hills.

Of course, this really only applies to women that get such implants. Without taking that route, you're pretty much left with whatever genetics gave you. On the plus side, you'll never have to explain a freak suffocation accident.

And yes, we are picturing the old Reebok "Pump" for this.

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