Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Psst... got something to tell you

Usually, when someone is fired from a job, it is due to something fairly severe. Gross negligence, theft, sexual harassment, and absolute incompetence are amongst the reasons often cited when employers decide to cut some of the dead wood. Of course, there are also lay-offs, scaling back measures, and other "staff overages", but those are often somewhat kinder than the straight Trumpian "You're Fired."

And yet, four women in Hooksett, NH, were recently fired from their jobs working for the city. Were they guilty of tax evasion? Perhaps skimming from the town coffers? Did they insist on dotting all of their "i"s on the official paperwork with a smiley face?

No, they were gossips. And, after speaking to a lawyer hired to root out the sources of a salacious rumor, the four were let go from their positions, without so much as a "Have a nice day." Of course, the women are appealing to get their jobs back, but the group reviewing their appeals is the same group that fired them in the first place.

Needless to say, the concept of being fired for gossiping about someone seems a bit overly harsh, especially with all of the people that do get to keep their jobs for poor performance or outright criminal violations. By the same token, the "Hooksett Four", as they've been dubbed, could theoretically band together, and use their love of gossip for a new purpose. We even offer them a few examples to help get the ball rolling.

Example #1, start your own television program. Think along the lines of "The View", except less Rosie, all the time. After all, if a group of celebrity women can gossip for money, maybe non-celebrities can too.

Example #2, start a feud on MySpace. Online feuds seem to be all the rage these days, and it might help propel their stars, possibly even landing them example #1 above. At the very least, it should get them a spot on Montel (he's bald, and he cares about your pain), or Maury (he's still got hair, and he cares about your daughter's prostitution ring).

Example #3, write a blog. After all, nothing will better serve those who like to gossip than writing online to an audience that's fairly small, and probably knows the author personally.

Um, wait a minute. Ignore example #3. Just move right along.

And, if the "Hooksett Four" can find a way to profit off of their pain, maybe we'll one day see a movie made of their story. Starring whatever castoffs from next season's failed television shows we can gather into one room.

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