Monday, August 06, 2007

The fat of the dead

So we've all been told about how we're getting fatter. Not just in the sense where our doctor is pointedly concerned about just us, in particular. No, we've heard the clarion call of calories from on high for decades, and each generation is finding itself fatter than the ones before. High calorie and high fat foods have combined with sedentary lifestyles to really help our planet pack on the pounds.

Of course, instead of working as a society to try and stem the tide, we've taken special steps to cater to our larger citizens. Vehicles with increased interior space. Airlines with larger seats. Motorized scooters to help the overweight maintain their elephantine figures by not even forcing them to walk around the mall. But, in Australia, they're starting to see some of the effects of long-term obesity on a culture.

Specifically, as people are dying, their fatter corpses are creating for problems within mortuaries. Hoists and trolleys are straining under the increased weights. Crematoriums are requesting larger openings to be able to actually incinerate some of the clientele. And cemetaries are considering "luxury plots" (a term we may have created ourselves), with greater dimensions to accomodate the extra bulk. Of course, there are always the complications that mortuary staff will encounter with larger bodies, ranging from back strain to simple difficulty preparing the bodies due to their size.

Naturally, we could try and improve overall health, encourage exercise, and promote better eating habits. But instead, we're going to rest a little easier with the knowledge that, when the dead walk the earth, the freshest zombies will be too heavy to propel themselves forward even at their shambling gait.

Let's just hope that they forget how to operate their Rascals. If they remember that, we're all in trouble.

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