Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Two birds with one stone

First off, we would be remiss if we didn't update you all on a story that we covered earlier this year. Remember the couple in New Zealand that wanted to name their baby 4Real, because, well, seeing the ultrasound made them realize that it really was "for real"? Well, the Kiwis have decided to give in, and will not actually be naming their child with a number in his name. Instead, they've opted for the much classier Superman.

That's right. They are naming their child after the first major superhero. Apparently Wolverine is being reserved for their first daughter. But don't worry... they won't be calling their child Supes, or anything along those lines. Because the father is "not a quitter", he will be referring to his child, Superman Wheaton, as 4Real. And this is why people should have to pass tests before they can breed.

Of course, in our other story today, we find that, perhaps, even the most stringent of tests won't keep certain people away. Why do we make that leap? Because, on the same day as a man was getting sentenced to an 18-month prison term for drug possession, he was legally married. And you guessed it, the couple is expecting a baby in December. The judge did commend the groom for his desire to turn his life around, and the bride for her faith in her husband. He did not proceed to also validate the parking for anyone else in the courtroom, obviously deciding that two services at once was more than enough.

This could actually lead to a new service industry. After all, by getting married and sentenced in the same day, Ernest Stroming was able to save time, and probably even costs, involved in the planning of either event. Just think of what other activities could be combined. How about a newspaper delivery combined with the postal service? EMTs who also deliver pizza? Or what about sensual massage parlors that are also marriage counselors? And don't even get us started on grocery delivery/repo men.

Of course, now that we really think about it, there's simply one service that is in dire need, and it shouldn't be combined with anything. This service should simply be around to thwack people about the head whenever they've done something profoundly stupid. We don't really expect this to lead to fewer acts of stupidity, but at least there'd be a visceral lesson for those involved. 4Real indeed...

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