Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Just doing some research, honey

Patrick Mallucci may have found one of the few perfect jobs in the world. Either that, or he's trapped in his own personal hell, one where he can no longer even think about softly rolling hills without thinking of breasts. This scientist has crafted a career where he spends his days poring tirelessly over pictures of celebrity breasts, in order to help plastic surgeons determine the "perfect breast". Needless to say, many of the pictures that people find online designated as NSFW are part of the job requirements for Mallucci.

In fact, Mallucci takes his work so seriously, that's he's made his estimations as to who has the best, and worst, breasts in the business. His selection for the best work done is a British model, Caprice Bourret, which probably isn't a bad choice, given that she's since insured her augmented "gifts" for 50,000 pounds. As for the worst in the industry, Mallucci aims his sites squarely at Victoria Beckham, calling them "unnaturally round".

The work must have been intensive, and yet, we can't help but wonder if Mallucci was truly exhausting in his studies. True, he took the time to determine the perfect ratio for plastic surgeons to go off of, but we really have to question his choice of Posh as the worst breast implants in Hollywood. Obviously, the man has never been subject to seeing the rapidly-deflating balloons that Tara Reid keeps barely under her tops.

Oh wait. He was focused on current celebrities. That explains it right there, as Ms. Reid has firmly entrenched herself as somehow less-deserving of glory than even Kathy Griffin.

Still, where was the love for Meat Loaf? Didn't they do a good job with him for Fight Club?

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