Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Two great stories that taste great together

When we found these two stories, we just couldn't help but believe that they were linked somehow. After all, one is a prime example of excellence in stupidity, whereas the other showcases bad taste to one of the highest levels. Not following? It's okay, we think we lost ourselves somewhere in there, too.

Anyways, the first story that we discovered was that Coors and Miller Brewing are planning on merging their businesses, to better compete against Budweiser. The two companies also believe that joining forces will help them in the struggle against wine and imported beers. After all, more and more American drinkers are finding solace in a bottle of fermented grape juice, or tipping back a pint of a barley pop from foreign soil, than ever before, and the people behind Coors and Miller just know that if they can put their two frothy heads together, they might be able to start stemming that tide.

What they fail to realize, and what more and more Americans are beginning to learn, is that domestic beers, or at least the major domestic beers, have about as much flavor as a wrung-out dish towel. People are shifting to wine and imports because, well, if they wanted to drink something that tasted like a by-product of drinking beer, they'd just pick up a bottle of Fresca. Plus, they're ignoring the downside of this merger, which may very well be fewer beer commercials. And, well, the most enjoyable product of these companies has long been the clever advertisements they've used to convince people that sometimes, flavor isn't even a pauper in the court.

In the second story we discovered today, we learned a valuable lesson. That lesson? If you've got a $1M bill, don't try to get it cashed. Okay, that part kind of comes as a bit of a "Duh" moment. The real key lesson? Once you've been told that you can't get $999,999.45 in change for that package of M&Ms, don't pick up a price scanner gun to try to shoot the clerk with. What are you going to end up doing, ringing them up for $9.95 plus tax? Of course, refusing to give the police any sort of identification when they show up to arrest you is just icing on top of this crazy cake.

Who knows? Maybe the guy was so distraught over the Coors/Miller merger that he did the only thing he could think of. And after trying to finish off the whole six-pack of bad beer, he then thought he'd get change.

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