Friday, November 09, 2007

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of November 5, 2007

Welcome back to another Friday, and another round of our much-beloved (at least by us) awards for the week. Things have been interesting here, as always, as we watch the number of Halloween and ghost related stories dwindle, while Christmas (and the obligatory War on Christmas) stories increase. Meanwhile, we're just setting our sights a couple of weeks ahead, when turkey takes up the majority of our minds. But, to help tide us over, let's get some awards going, shall we?

Everybody's a Comedian Award
First there was The Daily Show (okay, first there was Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live, but we're trying to be like goldfish right now). Then there was The Colbert Report. Now, Huffington Post is getting into the comedy game. The look and feel is kind of like The Onion, if only that venerable comedy paper relied on people who just think they're witty to do the writing. Still, we can't really bash them too much. Odds are that they'll give us material.

If You Don't Vote, What's the Record? Award
Recently, Michael Mukasey was confirmed by the Senate, despite fears about his strong connections to the White House. Oddly absent from the voting, even though they disputed the selection? Some of the Democratic front-runners. What were we saying yesterday about Americans making bad political decisions?

So THAT's What You Mean by "Checks and Balances" Award
In the meantime, Congress also took the opportunity this week to actually hold the President accountable for something that they believed in, but he didn't like, handing him his first veto override on a water resources bill. Rumors of the Constitution's death have obviously been overstated, although it still looks pale and weak. Kind of like the dollar.

Zoom Zoom Zoom Award
We've all had experiences where we forget our keys, or our wallets. Some of us have even gone to a gas station, and then accidentally forgotten to pay. But how many people have ever forgotten their car behind, after paying for that full tank? The man responsible claims to have forgotten other things as well, such as his anniversary, his wife's name, and the entire career of Jay Mohr.

Grin and Bare It Award
During an appeal hearing for a flashing conviction, a German man decided to take drastic action. That action? He stripped off his clothes in the courtroom. When asked later, he admitted that he could only muster a small defense, and even that wouldn't last if Bea Arthur was brought in for questioning.

Family Values Award
Some jobs understand when something important comes up in your personal life, such as a birth or a funeral. The Minnesota Vikings (proud owners of, um, not much, really) are not so kind, as they proceeded to fine one of their wide receivers for attending his own grandmother's funeral. If only he could have planned it better, and scheduled for the funeral for the post season. He wouldn't have missed any games that way.

Tastes Like Money Award
With all of the lead-contaminated products out there, it was probably only a matter of time before we learned about another one. The victim this time? Poker chips, which, contrary to popular belief, should not be ingested, no matter how much dip you put on them. Some of the highest lead content was found in chips used at Las Vegas casinos. Hey, if people in casinos want to put the chips in their mouths, don't warn them about anything dangerous. After all, do you have any idea how hard it is to get retirement sweat off of your teeth?

I'm a Joker, I'm a Toker Award
A shocking study has found that pop music contains references to substance abuse. Even more shocking, country music comes in second place, with rap leading the pack by far at a rate of almost three out of every four songs holding a reference. Oh, if only we could go back to a simpler time, with the music of The Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and the Doobie Brothers.

And that wraps up our awards for this week. We may be hit or miss next week, as we take a trip to visit some of our nation's hot spots, but we'll definitely see you next Friday.

Aw heck, who are we kidding? We'll definitely be around by Thursday. Stay safe out there!

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