Friday, February 29, 2008

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of February 25, 2008

Welcome to Leap Day across this great calendar of ours. Obviously, this day doesn't really exist, or, at least, it doesn't most years, so we're going to dive right in, just in case something weird happens along the way.

Honest Dishonesty Award
In a shocking turn of events, it appears that the upcoming Russian election may be rigged by the Kremlin. We say shocking, because they aren't really denying that they're doing it. Ralph Nader has already prepared his "I didn't cost anyone this election" speech. Meanwhile, Clinton is taking notes.

Awkward Award
What could be worse than giving some hated enemies land, only to box them in with a border fence? We were about to ask Israel, and then an Israeli Defense Minister said that the Palestinians within the Gaza Strip may be about to bring a "holocaust" down on themselves. Yup. So, um... how about that local sports team, huh?

Not The Proper Way to "Lay the Floor" Award
An 18-year-old in Selkirkshire avoided getting registered as a sex offender after an incident where he engaged in a sexual act with pavement. The man was drunk, and, apparently, was going for more of a shock value, as opposed to a strictly sexual motivation. Oddly enough, similar thinking has been applied to Paris Hilton, and, even more so, to those that have dated the Parisite.

Homeless Round-Up Award
New Orleans recently tried to round-up large numbers of the city's homeless, in an attempt to clear underpasses. The problem? It's not illegal to live on the street in the city. The city is now looking at trying to pass a new law to handle the discrepancy. In the meantime, we expect to see the squirrel population of New Orleans continually held in check.

Stick With What You're Good At Award
A large number of us have found ourselves in vehicles when we've had a few too many to drink. Hopefully, the vast majority were not behind the wheel. And yet, we're fairly certain that there have been times in almost everyone's life where they were thinking, "I shouldn't be driving". A cab driver in Australia got to experience that thought twice. Within three hours. And got pulled over each time. And to think, he's still got a couple of weeks before St. Patrick's Day.

Don't Give Him Bad News Award
It should come as no surprise that GDub isn't necessarily the most up-to-date on current events. And yes, let's just ignore that he should really be briefed on everything early in the game. Still, when he's about to talk about the state of the economy, and he gets quizzed on the concept of $4/gallon gasoline, he should probably have a better response than, "I hadn't heard that". Hmm... the rumors of those gas prices must have come from the Democrats...

MILB Award
Japan just got a new oldest professional boxer, and she means business. The 44-year-old mother of two passed the tests, and became the oldest pro boxer, when the previous age champ (46) retired. Needless to say, her children stay off of the lawn, color within the lines, and are more than happy to wait until their father gets home.

Well, that wraps up our awards for this week. We'll see you next week, when the calendar stops throwing fake days at us. Stay safe out there.

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