Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Excuse me, sir, you forgot something

Our regular readers will be well aware that we love articles that point out people being stupid. Whether those people are celebrities, politicians, or registered morons, we just love stupidity in others. And yet we hold a special place in our hearts for stupid criminals.

For example, we love when we hear stories about people trying to rob a place after they've turned in a (correctly filled-out) application. We chortle with joy at the notion of people deciding that they are going to outrun the police in their incredibly slow vehicles, such as tractors. And yet, we're somewhat surprised that we hadn't seen a story quite like this one. We've heard of the concept of mind over matter, but this is ridiculous.

Sure, there have been plenty of instances where people have been able to hold up locations with nothing more than a finger or a candy bar. The successful ones are smart enough to keep their lack of a weapon concealed in a jacket pocket, so that at least it could look like they aren't unarmed. Unfortunately, for the attempted thief in today's story, he just couldn't bring himself to keep his hands in his pockets, and aimed his loaded finger right at the clerk.

Of course, shortly after his arrest, the culprit proceeded to claim that someone else had forced him to make the burglary attempt, all while brandishing a weapon. Given what our star knows about weapons, we think it's entirely possible that the other party he was referring to was simply pointing two fingers, for the double-barrel effect.

Either that, or we've all got firearms on the ends of our wrists, and don't realize it. That would certainly explain the ticking we would hear whenever Bob Dole wasn't holding onto a pen.

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