Monday, February 11, 2008

Let's get (meta-)physical

Today, we've found two different articles that don't seem to flow together. And yet, when we hear most people say the word "exorcise", it sounds a lot like people saying "exercise". So, with that tenuous thread, we're going to move forward with our post.

Anyways, first we're going to focus on the "exercise" portion of the program. Hope that if you ever find your car stuck in a ditch, you can do it near a gym, like a German motorist recently did. The reason why? You may get rescued by a group of body-builders.

Yes, you read that correctly. After the driver got stuck in the ditch, ten people working on their 300 physiques dropped their weights, hauled the car out in a matter of minutes, and then returned to their workouts. They were even treated to a free round of energy drinks by the grateful driver, who could have saved money by trying to thank them with beer. Of course, we first start wondering if these weight lifters used proper technique. Then we quickly shift to the realization that, if only one of them had been a competitor for "World's Strongest Man", the other nine would have been superfluous. And he could have gotten the car out with his teeth.

Moving on, it's not just exercise that's gaining popularity (and thankful drivers) in Europe. As it so happens, exorcism is seeing a resurgence, as well. In fact, the number of priests trained to perform the rite has increased dramatically, as the number of people being sabotaged by demons and ghosts has risen. In fact, a priest in Poland is planning an exorcism center, sort of a one-stop shop for ridding yourself of the devil's footprint. The center would also feature "in-patient" service, allowing the plagued to stay for a few days to get the help that they need.

Church officials believe that the need for trained exorcists has increased because more people are eschewing the church. So yes, before you ask, likely cases that might need exorcism include those who have left Catholicism for a "New Age" religion or the occult. After all, what better way to bring someone back into the flock than to accuse them of being plagued by demons. Other groups that could be likely candidates include practitioners of yoga, and people that could be considered Internet addicts.

If only there were a way to combine the two concepts we've covered. Some sort of "exorcism exercise" could be truly awesome. Just think about it. Become the person you want, both inside and out. Shed demons while shedding pounds. And, if you drive your car into a ditch, trust that someone (or, possibly, ten burly someones) will come along to help you out.

No comments: