For your eyes only

People, people, people. How many times do we need to share this little tidbit of information with you? Never, ever, EVER send a camera phone video of yourself doing anything inappropriate (like, say, masturbating) to the phone of someone who you've been borderline stalking. Never do it. Next time you think it's a good idea, remember that it's not.

And why is it such a horrible idea? Well, because really, at that point, the best you can hope for is that they just post the video online through file-sharing sites, forever bronzing your lack of equipment or technique for the world to see. The worst case scenario?

You send it while she's at the police station making a complaint about your actions.

Just keep that in mind. When you think you're only sending the person you like creeping out footage of a little self-pleasure, you may be sending it off to the police. And while a lot of cops know a thing or two about the act, they probably don't really feel the need to get a video primer into just how familiar you get with your hands.

Unless, of course, you can splice a nature documentary-style voice over to the entire process. At least that adds an air of class.