Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Stupid is...

It seems like today, the day where we may finally learn who exactly will be sent against the firing squad that we lovingly call the McGranddaddyCain Campaign, has been a day full of foibles, faux pas, and, um, mistakes (trust us, there's another more alliterative word we could have used, but we're trying to stay family friendly). We've go the Associated Press declaring victory for one candidate, even going so far as to say that their opponent is dropping out, only to find out that maybe that article was run a little early. We've got VPCheney cracking jokes about inbreeding and West Virginia, just in time for him to discover that surviving off of the life-force of younger, less evil politicians and making crude generalizations doesn't endear oneself to the populace. And, to top things off, millions of Americans are still wondering if they backed the wrong David.

The problem is international, as we got to learn from the Dutch that mooning can be hazardous to your health, especially when you press your bottom against a window. Apparently, a 21-year-old man did just that, pushed a little too hard, and shattered the glass, resulting in "deep wounds to his derriere." This is why we say it's all fun and games unto someone gets a shard of glass in their buttocks. Actually, we've never said that before, but we might have to start now.

You know what else is fun and games? Sitting in a parked (and locked car). At least, that is until the point where you have to call 911. And why would you find yourself dialing an emergency number? Could it be because your locked in and so used to technology that you can't figure out how to manually unlock the door? That's what happened to a Utah woman, leading police to meet with her, call her cell phone, and then walk her through the complicated procedure. It's a good thing she wasn't trying to put together a bookshelf from IKEA, or she might have sealed herself in a box that didn't have a door latch and a slider lock. One of the officers was quoted as saying that he was "glad she had a cell phone to call for help", but the officer was probably also glad that this woman wasn't performing surgery anytime soon.

Really, what's going on today? Are the Detroit Red Wings going to apologize for keeping their fans up late in losing effort? Will GDub finally say that he's sorry for anything that he's done wrong? Will the Grim Reaper sheepishly return the talented people to us? After all, it's only Tuesday, and there's plenty of daylight left.

And for the record, we're not sorry for implying that the VP feasts on those weaker than him. We just ran out of kitten jokes.

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