Friday, August 22, 2008

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of August 18, 2008

Welcome back once again. We can see the signs of summer's end here in Minnesota, with a State Fair, a Renaissance Festival, and the impending March of the Elephants. After that, we're looking ahead at the 6 months of the year that people call "winter", and we call "a minor inconvenience". Even with that slow-down, we've got awards to hand out.

The Economy is My Handicap Award
Recently, the president of South Korea suggested that Korean officials should also stop hitting the links. His reasoning? The economy is stagnant, and he's worried about public sentiment. Wow. Aside from Tiger Woods, the last guy to give up golf did so because he wanted to show unity with the troops. After all, Iraq is nothing but one big sand trap.

Topsy Turvy Award
Well, not only is summer coming to an end soon, but the world may be turning on it's head, as well. Apparently, FOXNews has rejected an anti-Obama ad that tries to tie the Democratic candidate with the political activist group the Weathermen. We're almost tempted to tune in to see if Alan Colmes has find a spine. In the meantime, the bosses at FOX probably realized that they can get enough rhetoric and vague accusations by letting Bill O'Reilly speak for five seconds.

You're Killing Me Award
We all know that bad jokes are painful. What we may not have known before is that bad jokes actually seem to invite hostility from listeners. This brings us no closer to understanding why Dane Cook doesn't need to walk around with his own Secret Service team at all times.

Troubled Lock Award
After smashing holes through walls, what could possibly foil a burglar who really wanted to rob from a clothing store? How about a safe? More specifically, how about a safe that wasn't locked? After hours of being unable to crack the lock on the safe, the thief attempted to set the store on fire before fleeing. This is why the Incredible Hulk was never given flame powers.

Give Me a "T"! Give Me an "A"! Give Me An "Augh"! Award
What would you do if your child was cut from a cheerleading squad? If you said, "Taser the coach", then you must be from Oklahoma, where two women are facing trial for doing just that. We heard that the new routine was shocking, but we're pretty sure that's not what they meant.

Adam and Bing! Award
According to a recently released study, people actually do have some sort of "Gaydar". Apparently, in the study, researchers showed people a series of photos, and more often than not, the participant would be able to correctly guess if the person was gay or not. The study is prepared to enter its second phase, which will explain the desire to "change" a person, because they simply haven't found the right man/woman.

And, well, with that knowledge firmly in hand, er, um, our minds, we're going to sign off for this week. Stay safe out there.

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