Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pity for PETA

We admit, we look at PETA with some sorrow in our hearts. After all, the cause that they've championed seems like a a great one. Who doesn't like animals, and wants to treat them ethically? Especially since we're animals! We want to be treated ethically, too!

Unfortunately, far too often, the message that they're trying to get across gets lost in the stunts that they pull to spread that message. Whether it's pseudo-porn stars (or actual porn stars) proclaiming that they'd rather go naked, or just your average, off-of-the-street hot girl sitting in a cage or taking a shower on a public street, the people at PETA have figured out that sex sells, but people get so flustered by the possible sighting of breasts that they forget about making sure that their steaks came from pampered cows. Or that they shouldn't be eating steak in the first place.

Well, leave it to PETA to continue their fixation with secondary sex characteristics in human females with their latest request, this time aimed at Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Instead of using cow milk, the good folks at PETA have requested that B&J start using human breast milk instead. After all, according to PETA, a wealth of illnesses have been linked to cow milk. The people at B&J seem to think that a mother's breast milk is best used for her child.

Now, while we definitely have to applaud PETA for once again showcasing their incredible outside of the box (but inside of the bra) thinking, we really have to wonder if they put any research into this. While we aren't mothers ourselves, we've talked to more than a few, and they all pretty much have the same thoughts with regards to producing breast milk, especially when they're doing it away from the actual baby. And that thought tends to be, "Ouch". Given that humans don't generally produce milk randomly and regularly throughout their adult lives, this could lead to a severe ice cream shortage, which would only serve to anger people who just want a spoonful of Cherry Garcia.

By the same token, think of the potential new flavors that Ben & Jerry's could introduce. Oprah Ripple. DeGeneres Nut Crunch. Chocolate Chip Madonna Dough. And the ever popular One Spoon in Paris.

We're losing our lunch just thinking about it.

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