Friday, November 07, 2008

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of November 3, 2008

What a week this has been. Especially with the results of Tuesday night leading to spontaneous outbursts of rainbows, puppies, and shining sun throughout the world. What? That didn't happen? Hmm... maybe this "Change" thing isn't making the world into a Disney movie. For further proof, let's get rolling with our awards, shall we?

Clothes Call Award
Remember all of those clothes that the Republicans bought for Sarah Palin when she was asked to run along with John McCain? Turns out, now the GOP is sending lawyers to get the clothes back. While we also have heard that she likes to great reporters wearing only a towel, we're just not sure what she'll wear when she runs for President in 2009.

Forgetful Award
Let's say that you're planning something big. Now let's say that, part way through your plan, you forget a key element. That's what happened to a thief in Indiana, who, after robbing a gas station, left the money behind. The policing are hoping that now the suspect will conveniently forget to evade capture, while still remembering to wear pants.

Don't Chop Me, Bro Award
After being arrested for driving on a revoked license, a Kitsap County man countered with a strange admission. Looking at the police, he proceeded to tell them that he was versed in the ancient art of karate. The police, unimpressed, proved that they were versed in the ancient art of "arrest the crazy person", shortly before the man could demonstrate his technique of "Wax Off".

The Tragedy of Others Award
According to a recent study, part of the reason why bullies exist may be due to some people actually deriving pleasure from other people's pain. No word yet on whether simply open mocking and heavy use of sarcasm can lead to the same things.

Obama Mamas Award
It's entirely possible, given the results of Tuesday night, that there may be something of a baby boom coming down the corner. At least, that's what a Huffington Post writer postulates. Because, after all, this year's election was just so sexy that people can't keep their hands off of each other. Thank you, Obama, for ensuring that procreation will still happen (thereby, ironically, providing VPCheney with a restocked food supply).

Billy Goat Mower Award
In another sweeping move by Science, a recent study in Canada indicates that some smaller towns could benefit from doing something instead of using herbicides and lawn mowers. Instead, they suggest raising goats to help keep weeds under control. Canada is now researching bridges, and exactly how to get trolls to live under them.

Live-Blogging the Trial Award
According to the English Lord Chief Justice, the younger and more web-savvy a potential juror is, the less likely that they'd be a good candidate. Apparently, he said something about jurors not really listening, but we were too busy surfing the 'net to pay closer attention. Besides, thanks to episodes of Law & Order, we know that all trials end in under an hour.

And that wraps up our awards for this historic week. We'll be back next week, as we start to inch towards Turkey Day, and the benefits that go along with it (namely, turkey). Stay safe out there.

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