Friday, January 30, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of January 26, 2009

January is coming to a close, which means that spring is sneaking up on us. How do we know this? Easy! Sunday we'll get to find out just how close spring is! Sure, we could just look at a calendar and tick off the weeks, but why should we bother doing that when we've got a rodent that can help us out? Besides, they seem to be one of the few creatures that are recession-proof, and we've got to give some credit to that. Anyway, here are our awards for this week.

Lying While Standing Award
We all know that you aren't supposed to lie when you're on the stand during a trial. Well, you shouldn't lie in general, but this is much more specific. But what happens when the police are the ones lying? Oh, if only there was some sort of punishment that could be given out to people who lie while under oath...

Greased Palm Award
This may come as a shock to people, but not all strip clubs in Las Vegas are created equal. Sure, they have the same basic building blocks when it comes to their construction, but some get more of a, um, leg up, when it comes to business. That extra boost often comes from taxi cab drivers. Even more shocking, often the cabbies hype the places that offer them the biggest kickbacks. It's almost like there's an entire seedy underculture to the vibrant, family-oriented entertainment that Las Vegas is so well known for.

Stolen for Trade Award
What would you do if your car was stolen? Probably call the police, hoping that they'd find it. What would you do if your stolen car was returned? More specifically, if it was returned by the people who stole it in the first place? That's exactly what happened to a California woman, when the thief decided that he didn't want her Mustang in the first place, and then proceeded to steal a neighbors Toyota.. Insert your own joke about people not even wanting a free Ford.

Look at the Cups, Man Award
So maybe news has been a little slow ever since the new President was sworn into office. Or maybe journalists are trying to fill space in an attempt to prove their worth. Either way, we get a story about how cups from 7-11 commemorating the inauguration may be flipping us off. Just think, a few short weeks ago, we weren't wondering if there were cups giving us the middle finger. We were wondering if it was the Vice President.

PJs for the Homeless Award
No, it's not what you think. The city of Denver, in order to show support for the fight against homelessness, encouraged residents to wear pajamas all day, culminating in a pajama party to raise money. Well, you know what they say. If it works for Victoria's Secret...

Happy Birthday, Champ Award
This is a sweet story, and we just have to close out our awards with it. A Nevada kindergartner got the birthday surprise of his life when he opened an over-sized present, and found that the gift was his father, back from a tour of duty in Iraq. The first sign that it might have been his father? Giant air holes punched around the lid of the box, and a water bottle filled with Coors Light.

And that wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll be away next week doing our civic duty, but we'll see you in a few. Stay safe out there.

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