Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Opposable thumbs triumph

Take that, all of you creatures out there that don't have opposable thumbs. You can't grip things the same way that we humans can, and we're finally taking a stand. Sure, for centuries we've been able to do things that you can't, like hold onto bottles and give a definite sign showing our pleasure our displeasure (used to great effect in movie reviewing), but we've always had a bit of a monkey on our backs about the whole thing. So we've finally decided that enough is enough, and we've made our stand in a small Alabama town.

Oh yeah, animals. Take that. We've kicked one of your own out of the post office! In your face, which you could wipe off with a tissue if only your thumbs worked like ours.

Sure, it may seem like a token gesture to boot a cat out of the post office, but this is a significant in opposable vs. non-opposable history. Sure, there are some softies in the human contingent that are trying to step around the decrees set down by a right-thinking individual by getting the cat a PO box, but come on, people. It doesn't pay taxes. It shouldn't be allowed to traipse wherever it chooses, because, in some of those places, it might just decide to give itself a bath. And not with soap, because that requires a fully functional thumb.

Oh, this is a beautiful moment for humanity. Sure, plenty of people may think that it's a crazy (and empty) gesture made by someone who might need a little stress ball, but we think it's a great step forward.

Next on our list are those with prehensile tails. Seriously, what good is grabbing things with something that's behind you? Sheesh.

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