Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of February 23, 2009

Well, the week is coming to a close, and, with it, it's bringing the end of February, as well. That's all well and good, because, as we've mentioned before, we really think that February is just a placeholder until a cooler month with a more appropriate number of days is brought onto the scene. Sure, it's been around for a good long while, but you can't just change the calendar overnight. But one thing that February hasn't been fake about is news stories, so let's get on with our awards, shall we?

Pay to Pee Award
Airlines everywhere seem to be trying to find new ways to get extra money out of their passengers. There have been fuel surcharges, and extra charges for checking bags. Well, how about a charge to use the plane's bathroom? Good thing that the flight attendants aren't walking around offering beverages throughout the whole flight, right?

Pot vs. Kettle Award
So, pretty much everyone has heard stories about how tough it is to work with Axl Rose, right? And how that attitude made it very difficult to put together albums? Well, it turns out that, according to Axl, at least, it wasn't him. It might just have been Slash. The singer badmouthed his former guitarist, and then worked his way through the rest of the band. To his credit, Slash's only comment was, "It didn't take me ten years to release a commercial flop."

Cell Mates Award
A good deal of the time, it probably doesn't really matter who gets put into the same cell with someone else. One of those times where it does make a difference is when one person is a suspect in a murder trial, and the other is a material witness. Shockingly, the witness has decided against testifying, causing the charges to be dropped. They must have just gotten along great behind bars, forming a bond that few can break. Right, that's it. Friendship.

Call of Duty: Geneva Convention Award
We're not sure if this should actually be a "Father of the Year" nominee, or someone who's hopelessly out of touch, but we have to give a nod to the father who decided that his son couldn't play the "Call of Duty" video games unless he both read and followed (at least, in the game world) the Geneva Convention. We actually applaud this, if only because more behavior like this would cut down on the virulent strains of spawn campers and people proclaiming each other's sexual affiliations (always in one direction).

I'm, Like, Sorry, OK? Award
What do you do when you're a bishop taken to task by the Vatican for denying the extent of the Holocaust? Well, if you're the actual bishop being criticized, you apologize. Not for your comments and views, specifically, but for the fact that they made people angry. The Vatican doesn't think that the bishop has gone quite far enough, and next week, they're going to slide him a little further diagonally, allowing that space to be used by a knight.

A Little Control Award
A Colorado Springs store decided to express some frustrations, and posted a sign basically asking parents to keep better watch over their children. The result? A woman began picking up things, throwing them around, and basically having a fit about the sign, until she was tased by the store owner. Later, the woman was seen sitting in a corner for "Time Out", having argued about not being able to watch her favorite episode of "Law and Order" again.

Take a Break Award
Here's a quick tip. If you really have to go and break your back, don't do it while the paramedics are on lunch. Guess it's more important to finish your fish and chips than to find out why someone else's spine crackles like a deep fryer.

That wraps up our awards for this week. We'll be back next week, welcoming March to the calendar. Stay safe out there.