Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of April 20, 2009

This week started out with a special day for far too many college kids (and other like-minded citizens), had Earth Day tucked into the middle, and is looking to end just like every other week, with a Friday dangled out there. Such is April, we guess. So we're going to move on to our awards for this week.

Shoot the Vote Award
Have you ever been so frustrated with elected officials that you've thought about shooting them, but didn't want the messy legal issues to deal with afterwards? Well, a couple of Czech artists have given you an answer. Naturally, any pictures of Cheney are rigged to fire back.

A Cop Made Me Do It Award
Red light cameras. Legislators (seem to) love them, because they are a good way to bring in revenue through traffic offenses. People (seem to) hate them, because it takes out a human element. Well, what about when a human traffic officer waves you through a red light, and you still get a ticket? Either SkyNet has some bugs to work out, or it has decided to bankrupt us, instead of sending killer robots.

Pay Up Or, Um Award
We've all heard the expression about squeezing blood from a stone. Well, a Wisconsin apartment company is looking to squeeze blood, or a couple of months rent, from a murder victim. The argument is that the victim didn't give thirty days advance notice of his departure. You know, we're fairly certain that, if he could have given thirty days notice, he just might not be behind on his rent right now. And, if he pays, we're moving to the Canadian Rockies.

Marriage on the Clock Award
Leave it to a forward thinker in Australia to propose a new way of dealing with marriage. The argument? Since so many marriages end in divorce, why not set up a time-limit for marriage itself, one that can be renewed if the parties so choose? Celebrities are already rebelling against the notion, with many saying that they couldn't be expected to maintain any sort of commitment for five years.

Living in a (Slightly Less) Material World Award
A recent study has been done, detailing what Americans view as "necessities". Shockingly, many items are being considered necessary by fewer individuals, prompting some to say that it could be a sign that America is shifting away from the heavily materialistic society that we've been in. Or, you know, it could be the economic collapse which is forcing people to choose between lunch for a week or a new pair of shoes.

Small Town Saturday Night Award
We have to give this award to Iowa, because the state, hot on the heels of legalizing gay marriage, is now considering allowing gas stations and convenience stores to sell hard liquor. This move might also make it easier for people to deal with the whole gay marriage thing.

Fight For Your Right to Study Award
What sounds like a good time to most college students? A good party, probably at a house. What sounded like a good time to a bunch of students in Tennessee? A good party, held at a library. Well, in all honesty, the students never even got into the library, as they were stopped by police first. Someone should have told them that the next "Twilight" book hasn't even been finished yet.

And that wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll see you next week, for the run-up to May. Stay safe out there.