Friday, April 10, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of April 6, 2009

Here we sit, comfortably soaking up the early April sunshine. Well, okay, so we're inside, away from windows, and looking towards the door because we've heard that it's a lovely day outside, but, for a blogger, that's kind of the same thing, right? Anyway, we've got a pile of awards to throw your way, so let's get moving on them, shall we?

You Don't Call Enough Award
Maybe we have this award's title backwards. An Austrian mother has recently been fined 360 Euros for calling her son too much. How much is too much, in this case? How about upwards of 49 times per day for the last two years? You know, sometimes it's just easier (and wiser) to go ahead and answer the phone.

Putting in Overtime Award
We understand. Some people really love their work, and they'll take every opportunity to take part in what they enjoy. Of course, unless you're a police officer, the last place you should probably think about doing a little extra work is at the police station. This goes double if you're a stripper arrested for DUI. At least wait until you get into court, to see if you can sway a jury as well as your hips.

Good Parenting Award
Actually, again, we're using an opposite title for the headline. After all, most people don't call 911 because their kids won't listen. Most people also don't make such calls while intoxicated, but why not kill two birds with one stone? In the kids defense, it's very difficult to understand someone who's slurring their way through another can of Coors Light.

William Tell-All Award
If your first thought to impress someone is to pull out a bow and arrows, you might be living in the wrong era. If your second thought is to shoot arrows at your neighbors house, well, you might be living in the wrong mindset. If you do it all "for giggles", you might not have a firm grip on sanity. If we were the woman or the police, we definitely would have wanted to know who "Giggles" was.

A Green Nursery Award
Often, babies are given whole bedrooms. While this will come in handy as they get older and graduate to a full-sized bed, while they're still very tiny, a whole room can seem like extra usable space. Even if you think you've got the space, that doesn't mean you should grow marijuana in the baby's room. Sure, it might help them sleep, but they're totally going to get the munchies later, which could be awkward, especially if they're still breast-feeding.

A Touchy Engagement Award
Sometimes, arguing that you have an "exuberant sex life" can actually pay off. Take the case of an Alaska man, who was charged with assault after holding his girlfriend at knife-point during a sexual encounter. Turns out, he's being sentenced only to time served, and is now in plans to get married to the same girl. Oddly enough, the couple is registered for multiple knife sets, and boxes of bandages.

Happy Easter Award
In honor of this Sunday's holiday, celebrated many ways, we highlight the story of a few Florida police officers who decided to get into the holiday spirit. Of course, they did so by throwing eggs at prostitutes, but everyone has their own ways to celebrate, we guess. The police officers received written warnings, but will probably rise again within three days time.

And that wraps up our awards for this week. We'll be back next week, as we prepare to deal with the headaches of tax day. Stay safe out there.

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