Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of April 27, 2009

Whew. Another week has ended, and, with it, the first 100 days of the new presidency has gone by. Not sure about you, but we think The Onion may just be spot on with their description of what's happened. Sure, none of the things they mention are earth-shattering, but they're just so darned believable. Since we can't come close to topping that, we'll just shift to our awards.

Royal Hippie Award
This award is given to Prince Harry. You might remember him as one of the dashing crown princes of England. You might also remember him as someone who washed his hair. Well, not for the last couple of years, if the story is to be believed. We're just shocked. We never expected to see example of poor personal hygiene coming from the British Isles.

The Wheels on the Bus, Part One Award
What do you call it when a school bus pulls into the parking lot of a porn store? If you're the driver, you probably call it a need to turn the bus around after getting lost. If you're one of the kids, you just might call it the best field trip ever.

The Wheels on the Bus, Part Two Award
In sharp contrast to the story about the kids stopping at the porn store, we've got a story about a bus monitor just wanting a little quiet. Maybe using duct tape to help get that wasn't the best idea, but the monitor was probably under stress. Maybe they should have been on the porn bus.

Fighting the Law Award
Do you ever have the urge to get into an illegal street race? Okay, maybe we should be a little broader. Do you ever have the urge to just gun the engine at a stop light, to see if you can beat other cars off of the line? Want to do it without running into trouble with the law? Just visit sunny Florida, where you can race the cops. The upside of this program has been a new revenue stream, and a reduction in the number of illegal street races. The downside is now the potential racers know which cars can beat a police cruiser in a chase scenario.

Worst Census Ever Award
The regular census has begun, and most census takers stick to the script. One Kansas worker decided to stray a bit, and was even a little hands-on (with themselves, but that doesn't make it better). However, his line of questioning could open up interesting marketing opportunities for companies like Victoria's Secret. We could also find out whether blue staters or red staters are more likely to wear briefs.

Ah, Progress Award
When you think about all of the things that a computer has done, what springs to mind? Higher efficiency? New advances in many scientific fields, such as medicine and physics? How about ruining handwriting and possibly forcing schools to "dumb down" their curriculum? That is starting to become a concern in school districts in the UK, but they can't even get their royalty to wash their hair, so this problem may be beyond them.

And Lead Us Not Into Torture Award
A recent study about whether or not people feel torture is justified lead to some interesting results. Most notably, the more often someone attends church, the more likely it is that they will look at torture as justified, with white evangelicals coming out as the most torture-forgiving of all religions. If only there was a set of teachings to follow when it came to interacting and dealing with your fellow man.

And on that happy note, we're closing our awards for yet another week. We'll see you next week with a new pile of accomplishments and crazy from around the world.