Friday, May 15, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of May 11, 2009

Here we sit, once again revelling in the notion that is Friday. Do you smell that in the air? Is it freedom? Spring? Possibly just the homeless guy sitting next to you on the bus? Either way, it's definitely a sign that things are growing. So let's move on to the awards.

Smoking Ninja Award
When you think of a ninja, do you picture someone clad head-to-toe in black? An expert martial artist? Someone who can blend into the shadows perfectly? A smoker who steals their cigarettes? Due to the way that he dresses, Colorado police have referred to a cigarette stealer as a "Nicotine Ninja". And wherever he goes, we know that the "Snuff Samurai" can't be far behind.

Dedication Award
Some people just have incredible perseverance towards whatever their doing. Just ask a woman from Pennsylvania, who just landed in jail after a DUI. Make that after receiving her eleventh DUI. Which is just odd, because all most people need is a fifth.

Lowlander Award
What do you do with a self-proclaimed 486-year-old karate master? If you're like most people, you just let them go about their business of being crazy. Of course, when that crazy then is mixed with a dash of swine flu fears, that's when an arrest comes into play. The "karate master" was arrested after attempting to "eliminate" a woman he suspected of having "the swine flu". If only he'd just swept the leg, first.

Revenge Award
A policeman decided to take vigilantism into his own hands to an extent after local politicians voted to cut back on a program that put bonus and education money into cops hands. His revenge? A slew of parking tickets. The police department are planning on looking into the situation to decide if it was an abuse of authority. Meanwhile, the officer is currently planning out his costume as "Ticket Man".

Follow the Birdie Award
Maybe, with avian flu seeming to take a back seat, it's time that people started looking more kindly towards our feathered friends. Georgia police did just that, following a turkey to the home of an illegal immigrant who had evaded authorities for years. Sadly, the turkey is still bound to either look up during a rain storm, or be a guest of honor at a Detroit Lions football game.

Religosity Award
The BBC is catching some heat from supporters, thanks to their recent appointment to the position of head of religion and ethics. Is the new person in charge a criminal, or someone of questionable morals? No, he's just Muslim, which is driving the anger. Because obviously Muslim's don't know anything about religion and ethics. Oh, and of course the main complaint is that the "Christian voice is being sidelined". Once again, an example of one group previously having almost complete control of something feeling ostracized because opposing views are actually being brought to light.

Freedom of... Award
Our last story today is actually one that we're torn on. Some of you may have heard about the Minnesota boy dealing with a treatable form of cancer. Well, despite his parent's wishes (and their religious beliefs), a judge has ruled that the boy "must be treated". On one hand, protecting the child does play a hand. On the other, the parental rights were stripped away by the cold hand of a government official. Wasn't there supposed to be some rules about this set down centuries ago?

That wraps up our awards for this week. Stay safe out there.

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