Thursday, June 25, 2009

My evil twin

Coming up with an alibi for something has got to be tough. After all, it seems like plenty of criminals get tripped up by this particular detail. They may meticulously plan out the crime, down to intricate floor plans that they'll never actually need to use, but when it comes to an alibi, they seem to drop the ball.

Take, for example, a Kalamazoo, MI man who went to the police with cuts on his arms, pretty obviously from broken glass. When asked what happened, he proceeded to relate a story about witnessing a burglary, and following the criminal inside, all in the effort to perform some sort of a citizen's arrest.

His main problem? The description he gave for the burglar was strikingly like his own description, down to the clothes he was wearing. Yes, he basically snitched on himself.

Before you wonder, no, this wasn't a case of the man's guilty conscience coming back to bite him, unless it did so in one of the weirdest ways fathomable. Instead, the man, who was drunk at the time he reported to the police, simply couldn't come up with a description other than the one he could see in a mirror. And he wasn't even trying to turn himself in. He was just trying to play the part of a good citizen, and let the police know what had happened. If only that damning evidence hadn't gotten in the way.

Seriously, people, it just isn't that hard. Sure, you may be lying, and your lie may have more holes than Swiss cheese, but at least give it a little effort. After all, if you're going to go to the lengths involved to commit a crime, the least you could do is give the false perpetrator a different skin tone, hair color, and change the type of shirt they were wearing.

At least give them a goatee. It is the internationally recognized symbol for evil.

No comments: