Friday, July 17, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of July 13, 2009

Welcome to Friday. It's been a busy week, and it doesn't look to be tapering off anytime soon. Which is a shame, because we could really use a nap. Instead, let's jump to the awards.

School Excuses Award
Many students will find other things to do instead of their homework. The only real problem with that, aside from not learning the material, is the need to come up with a good excuse. Somehow, we're fairly certain that "my robbery ate my homework" just isn't going to fly for most schools. And they say that kids don't apply themselves anymore.

Don't Need No Water Award
Just let it burn. Good advice when it comes to charcoal. Bad advice when it comes to a BMW. Sure, hate the car, but don't light it on fire. You know, unless it's a zombie car. But we all know that those are strictly Yugos.

What Could Go Wrong? Award
Let's say that you're trying to encourage students to use their imaginations, and expand their writing skills. Should you show them examples of creative writing, or possibly television shows that are age-appropriate and help drive the point home? Or should you stage an alien landing, complete with the abduction of a teacher? At least they could have picked a teacher nobody liked.

Start Them Young Award
What better way to teach gun safety than to start out the child with a firearm in their stroller? Sure, other people may think it's dangerous, but it's not like you're leaving the safety off or anything. No word on why Darwinists are waiting on the sidelines.

Environmentally Aware Award
Have you been planning on doing your part to help the environment by switching to a hybrid automobile? Are you also looking to get the insurance kickback that was offered on many of these vehicles? Hurry, because insurers are finding out that hybrid drivers are more likely to get tickets and that their accidents cost more. It really isn't easy being green.

Investigative Journalism Award
How cool is this? A reporter working on a story about three missing boys was out preparing for a location shoot when she found them sitting on the sidewalk nearby. This should keep the reporter off of the puppy and balloon beat for at least another month.

They're Ba-ack Award
Quick, think of something that may have helped cause the economic downfall, but still might be returning to prominence. No, not the Bush family. We're talking about adjustable-rate mortgages. After all, isn't it time to end the national nightmare of people being forced to live within their means?

And that wraps up our awards for this week. We'll be back next week, fully rested and full of punch. Stay safe out there.

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