Friday, November 20, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of November 16, 2009

Fridays tend to sneak up on us, even when it feels like we've been stuck in the longest week ever. But that's alright, because we've got awards to hand out. After all, it keeps us on our toes, and allows us to refocus before the weekend. So let's get down to business.

I Feel Pretty Award
It seems like every once in awhile, we'll find a story about a burglar who does things their own way. This particular time, their own way apparently involves stealing clothes from their neighbor, and attempting to wear them in the process. Notably, the man was found wearing just some of his neighbor's undergarments while digging through her laundry. Obviously he was just trying to find a dress that wouldn't reveal too much of the bra.

How Not to Be Found Award
If you're trying to keep a low profile, we suggest not driving a car with your last name as the personalized license plate. Unless, of course, your name could be mistaken for something else. Even then, you might want to at least consider adding a couple of numbers or something.

The Camera Adds Twenty Pounds, Removes Disabilities Award
How can you be sure that you'll continue receiving disability payments, or at least be able to keep the ones you've already received? Kind of like when you're on the run from the police, you should keep a low profile. Appearing on a television show doesn't really help to that end. Unless, of course, your disability is a crippling addiction to the craft services table.

Yahtzee! Award
How many of you have played a game, found out that it wasn't as exciting as you were hoping, and decided to change rules to spice it up a bit? How many of you have included rules to make the game into a "strip" version? How many have done so with Yahtzee? After a rousing game of "Strip Yahtzee", a woman went off with an ex-boyfriend, got caught by her current boyfriend, and claimed rape, only to later be charged with false informing. Looks like things quickly turned into "Strip Clue".

Anti-Grinch Award
Imagine coming home to discover that your house has been broken into. Now imagine discovering that the crooks didn't steal anything, but instead set up Christmas decorations. No word on whether or not a 6-foot tall man with curly hair and a green costume was seen near the scene.

Give Until It Hurts Award
Good: Setting up a fundraiser to help out victims of a hit-and-run accident. Bad: Siphoning money from said fundraiser. Worst: Using siphoned funds to bail out hit-and-run suspect. Meanwhile, other villains are seen twirling their mustaches and taking notes.

McDefense Award
What's the craziest reasoning someone could come up with when fighting a drunk driving charge? Sure, it might have something do with zombies wearing chicken wings as loincloths, but it might also have to do with being able to convince fast food employees to give you lunch during breakfast hours. Because we all know how much of sticklers those minimum wage earners are for appropriate meal times.

That wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll be out next week, overdosing on turkey and more turkey, but we'll see you in December.

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