Friday, October 31, 2008

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of October 27, 2008

Welcome back, folks. Here we are, mere days away from the election, and we're still awaiting our October Surprise. Of course, at this point, it may be a November Surprise, but that suits us just fine. The November Surprise comes with whipped cream and a cherry. And now, on to our awards.

Combating Fear Award
Some people are afraid of spiders. Others are afraid of clowns. And some, like this guy, are afraid of being buried alive. Of course, not everyone builds themselves a custom tomb to help out in just such a situation. Next up? Taking on the fear of heights by encouraging people to build their own skyscrapers.

Well, Crap Award
Turns out, not even having diarrhea is a good enough excuse for speeding. That's according to a court in Sweden, who stated that only emergencies give just cause for going above the speed limit. Apparently, ruining a perfectly good pair of pants just doesn't make Sweden's list of "emergencies".

A Champion Shall Fall? Award
It takes chutzpah to declare yourself a "champion of the people" when under 15 percent of your state approves of the job your doing. It takes even more chutzpah to declare that you're proud to be getting your "ass kicked" for those same people. By that line of thinking, Carrot Top is, and always will be, the champion of our particular corner of the world.

Naked Bowling Award
Alright, so it wasn't actual naked bowling that got an Iowa business man into trouble. It was naked beer slides on the bowling lanes. However, the owner is allowed to keep his liquor license, in large part due to the fact that bowling without drinking gets boring after a frame or two. No word on whether the naked beer slides still included gutter balls...

Sin Here Often? Award
In a prime example of "doing it wrong", we look in on a priest from Queens who decided to use his confessional booth as a pick-up location. First sign that you might be at the wrong parish? When you say, "Forgive me father", his response is "Sure. The absolution is on the nightstand."

Follicle Follies Award
In continuing efforts to find the silliest things to research, a new survey has been released stating that men prefer to date blondes, but to marry brunettes. Interestingly enough, Guy Ritchie and Alex Rodriguez were used as the control group for this particular survey.

Trick or Trick Award
Being that it's Halloween, we would be remiss if we didn't have some sort of holiday-themed story. Of course, being that this is the CSM, we'd also be remiss if we just mentioned candy or decorations or costumes. So we instead look at the state of Maryland, and the signs that they are requiring sex offenders post at their homes, to keep children away. Earlier this week, the state decided to change their signs, which had previously included the words, "No Candy at this Residence" and a jack-o-lantern. The new signs? No pumpkin. And problem solved!

That wraps up our awards for this week. We'll be back next week, inevitably to discuss the fall-out from the election on Tuesday, and the beginnings of the recount on Wednesday. Oops... we should have said "spoiler alert". Stay safe out there.

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