Thursday, January 18, 2007

Something to unthink

It's true that we here at the CSM don't often try to focus too much of our time or writing on celebrities. Sure, we'll take our potshots every once in awhile, like our dig yesterday at Tara Reid. But we could've been so much worse. We could've railed against Britney Spears for possibly being pregnant again. We could take part of our time to mention how Lindsey Lohan has thrown herself into rehab. We could focus our attentions on how David Arquette cries himself to sleep at night, knowing that he has to take second billing to Jonathan Silverman. While all of these subjects are definitely good fodder for the gossip blogs out there, and while they are ripe with potential jokes, we here at the CSM would like to think that we're above that. We'd like to pretend that we're more of a political/current events blog that occassionally steps into the wading pool of celebrity commentary because, well, slow news days happen.

And yet, there are some things that make us pause. And then wish that we hadn't paused. And then we're forced to scramble against the notion that our brains are trying to liquify themselves on a combination of scotch and bourbon, enabling their final escape into a world where such thoughts and stories don't exist.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are referring to the notion that Hugh Hefner, that bastion of good taste behind the Playboy enterprise, has made it known that he's toying with the idea of becoming a father. Again. At age 80.

Hef, who has long been able to date women far younger than him (and, in many cases, far younger than his children) due to his status as a publishing icon, is looking at the distinct possibility of fathering a child with 27-year-old Holly Madison. Madison is one of three women Hefner is currently dating, but the November 2005 Playboy covergirl is considered to be Hef's "No. 1".

Which, of course, brings us to the thought that we can't unthink, no matter how hard we try. Somehow for this plan to succeed, Hefner has to impregnate Madison. Sure, there's the possibility that a younger, more virile Hef stored pieces of himself in the past, just in case such a desire for children would raise its head well into his golden years. But, come on. This is the founder of the Playboy empire. We all know he's going to at least try and go out like Ron Jeremy on this one.

This could be one of the first documented times in history where a child's father has died mid-conception.

I need to bleach my brain now.

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