Monday, February 05, 2007

Hot coffee

Coffee drinkers in Seattle suburbs are getting more than just a mouthful when they pick up their morning coffee. Plenty are visiting new coffee shops and are getting an eyeful, as well. "Sexpresso" shops are popping up everywhere in the Seattle area, offering a morning pick-me-up in a few different varieties.

With names like Sweet Spot Cafe, Bikini Espresso, and Cowgirl Espresso, these coffee shops feature coffee and espresso drinks served by scantily clad baristas. Even the drinks have gotten renamed to be more sexually suggestive, with new titles like the Sexual Mix or the Wet Dream. And while there's been some community outcry because of these sexy coffee shops, the local Sheriff's Department has made it clear that the girls aren't doing anything inherently illegal, so long as they're covered.

Let's think about this for a split second. While it may not seem like a huge leap in logic to realize that coffee (liquid stimulant) might just mix with sexy servers (physical stimulant), this idea did take some time to come to light. After all, it wasn't really all that long ago that some Hooters locations were having difficulty staying open, and they'd already come pretty close to perfecting the boobs and brew mindset. Of course, their brew was beer, but, well, it's not too much of a step to get to that next level.

Ultimately, it was only a matter of time for someone, unsurprisingly from the Pacific Northwest, to combine the American love affair with coffee shops (just look at places like Starbucks and Caribou Coffee for proof that this affair isn't over yet) with the American love affair with near-nudity. True, these shops employ primarily women at this point, but it seems to be a lot easier to get men to cough up their money to a scantily clad woman than it is to get the opposite pulled. If that weren't true, there'd be more male strip clubs.

So yes, let's combine sex with our coffee. Let's have our scones served up by a buxom barista. Let's have our cappucino, all while watching a girl in a bikini work the steam wand. Let's sincerely hope that none of the girls get confused and decide to hold a "Coffee-Soaked T-Shirt Contest", thereby sending themselves to the emergency room. Let's take heart that, only in America, will our coffee by served hot by a barista who makes it look cool.

And, for the love of all that's holy, let's not ask for room for cream. That's just asking for trouble.

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