Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Now that's a porcelain throne

It seems like a scene out of the recent Mike Judge movie Idiocracy, but it could soon be coming to a bathroom near year. Ohio's Roto-Rooter has created a "luxury toilet", and plans to give away their creation through an online contest. The winner will get to install their brand new porcelain throne, complete with gadgets.

But what sorts of gadgets, you may wonder? There's an iPod, an Xbox, an Rfridge (okay, got a little carried away there), a flat-screen television, and a laptop computer. But that's not all. Worried that spending all of your time on the toilet watching television or snacking on the goodies from the refrigerator may lead to health problems? No need to worry, because the Roto-Rooter toilet also includes an exercise cycle-style attachment, to help keep you fit.

Roto-Rooter points out that the average person spends almost a year and a half in the bathroom (and on the toilet) over the course of their lives, and uses that figure to justify their super-john. After all, if you're going to spend that much time anywhere, shouldn't you at least be able to enjoy the time you spend? Creating such a toilet does certainly increase the convenience of the old standby, and makes for a more interesting bathroom experience. But have they looked at the potential downside?

No, not the downside of Dax Sheppard flushing his couch. We're thinking a bit more practical, such as having to explain to your children why daddy spends so much time in the bathroom. Finding your teenage son surfing the internet (for porn) all while "taking care of business". Trying to convince your spouse that sitting on the toilet watching football but peddling away at the exercise cycle constitutes good exercise, especially because it's 3rd and 4 to go, there's 2:15 left in the game, and your team is down by a field goal. Nevermind the fact that eventually, someone's going to have to get up to restock the fridge, so that the toilet can get its own form of "restock".

Do we need a toilet with all of these features? Overall, the answer is no. If we needed it, then you would never see things like Oscar parties, or friends coming over to watch movies. Although, come to think of it, there is a benefit, and one that ABC might want to capitalize on. With the advent of the super-toilet, there would finally be crap associated with TV that didn't immediately bring Jim Belushi to mind.

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