Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Well, at least he had bus fare

You know that you've pulled off a major shocker of a crime when you can make a couple of quick stops AFTER you're finished, and then leave on a city bus. That's exactly what a bank robber did in Minneapolis Monday afternoon. After he'd robbed a Wells Fargo, he decided to make a stop at a liquor store and a sandwich shop before getting on a city bus. The strangest thing out of all of this is that he was able to escape capture, even with making his extra purchases.

Sure, we could take a moment to fault the police for not being able to grab the suspect anytime before he was able to board one of the lightning-quick city buses that all major metropolitan areas have, but we're pretty sure that just about everywhere else that picks up this story is going to do that. Instead, we're going to focus our attention on the bank robber himself. Really, sir, just in case you're reading this, we want to ask something. And yes, this is in light of the fact that you got away with it.

Our question to you is, "What on earth were you thinking?" Seriously, how do you decide to rob a bank, and THEN realize that you need an ice-cold forty to go along with the sandwich you're suddenly craving. To top it off, why would you even plan such a crime when your best (perhaps only) means of escape rely on you being able to find exact change to pay your fare, while hordes of others, some most certainly unwashed and talking to themselves, mill about you in a flagrant attempt to sit next to the one available hottie.

Honestly. There are simple ways of doing things. There is an order to the planet. For example, do not put your shoes on before you try to pull on your pants. Do not stick a knife into a peanut butter jar without first removing the lid. And never ever commit a crime of any magnitude and then decide that you just desperately need to get lunch and some beer. True, maybe this whole plan was concocted while on a marijuana buzz, and the munchies just set in, but still, there's got to be common sense somewhere.

Now, before anyone jumps on our case, we're not advocating crime by any means. We don't want to see people start trying to use anything we've said here as justification for illegal actions (however you justify your legal ones is fine by us). But we would like to see people be a little more intelligent about what they do. After all, just because you got away with something, that doesn't make it right.

A quick tip for the cops. Start casing the local restaurants around this particular bank. Because quite obviously, your bank robber has a hunger that cannot be tamed, nor can it be held off until he makes it to a safehouse. And if you spot someone wandering into a Subway that fits your description, and he offers to pay with a $100 bill, he might be your guy. Just make sure that there isn't a bus stop nearby.

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