Tuesday, May 13, 2008

First Church of Roswell

Good news, everybody! Thanks to the Vatican's chief astronomer, we can keep believing that something is watching us from the heavens. And we don't even have to wonder if that means we don't believe in God anymore.

Well thank goodness for that. Now that we can rest assured that aliens would also be "God's creatures", we can rest much more easily. After literally minutes of contemplation into whether or not our belief in extraterrestrials invalidated our belief in an omnipotent, omnipresent being who created everything we've ever known, and did it all in a week, we've been given the answers that fit not only our iconography, but our desire to make hats out of tinfoil. Thank goodness the Vatican stepped up and clarified this one for us.

Of course, the thing that shocks us the most is the notion of the Vatican having an astronomer in the first place, but these things shouldn't really surprise us. After all, we've seen a professional wrestler take over as governor, and we've seen evidence proving that Gary Coleman can get married, so the notion of someone within the church staring at the stars really shouldn't be that bizarre.

The only problem that we see is that we're now left with a question. If we were made in God's image, as the Bible proclaims, then what image were aliens made in? God's cousin Tony's? His pet dog's? A slightly longer, more technologically advanced version of Himself? Now that we know we can believe in both denizens of the skies, we can only hope that the answers to these questions are coming soon.

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