Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Worst pick-up attempt, ever

Welcome back after the long Memorial Day weekend. If you didn't get a long weekend, well, we feel your pain. Of course, our pain is induced by holiday hangovers, but that's besides the point. Anyways, to help ease us back into this week, we're going to play a quick game. It's simple.

First, imagine that you are a thief, intent on robbing, oh, let's say a U-Haul location in Milwaukee. Now make sure you bring a friend, because breaking the law alone just isn't any fun. And now, quiz time. Do you a) bring your friend who's going to end up hitting on the girl you just robbed; or b) bring any other friend, in the hope that they aren't anywhere near as stupid?

Well, if you're playing this game at home, you probably chose answer "b". If you were robbing a U-Haul this past weekend in Milwaukee, you chose answer "a". That's right, after watching a friend rob the store, the accomplice lingered for a bit to see if he could get a date from the girl behind the register. Thankfully, for all of humanity, she said "no" before he escaped.

We have to admit, this takes the cake as one of the worst potential pick-up scenarios in the long, sordid history of dating. Even Nero's "I'm the emperor, and you have to date me" tactic doesn't seem quite as bad. It certainly makes those gems like, "Wanna go back to my place for pizza and sex?", or "You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all night" sound almost like music to the daters ears. It makes you wonder what happened to a simple, "Hi" at a bar, over a drink.

Of course, we are obligated to point out that the worst pick-up line in history still belongs to Josef Stalin, who once said, "Hey, I'm no Hitler."

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