Rescued by research

Once again, science has come along to save us all. Is it finally a cure for a terminal disease? No. Have they found a way to help reverse the effects of global climate change? Wrong again. Wait, is it that they've found intelligent life on another planet, perhaps ushering in a new era of development for all of us? Still incorrect.

Did they find out that ducks like water? Yes. Yes, they did.

Now you may not be thinking that this is an earth-shattering revelation, but you haven't gotten the whole story. See, ducks don't just like swimming in and drinking water. Oh no. They like to be caught in a rain storm, too. Apparently, ducks like when water runs off their back. Who knew, right?

We can see you're still not convinced about the importance of this. Sure, there are other things that Science could have been working on, but it's important that we know how ducks feel about water. After all, it could certainly help to explain why, um... why... oh, why they spend so much time in water! Sure, it could be because that's their natural habitat. But maybe it's also because they like it.

Okay, seriously, Science? We're getting a little tired of this. Sure, we can see some benefits to studies like this one, but there really are better things for you to be doing. And when you make a big announcement about your "results", don't expect people to be super friendly with you.

What's next? Celebrities like cocktails, rehab, and swimming pools?