Friday, July 31, 2009

Coffee-Soaked Awards - Week of July 27, 2009

Welcome to Friday, everyone. We're sitting back and relaxing, taking in the rays. We'd be having a beer or two, but we didn't arrest anyone of a different race this week, so we just aren't getting invited anywhere. So let's get these awards going.

Demand and Demand Award
This may come as a shock, but people like free things and giveaways. The government is learning that lesson yet again with regards to their "Cash for Clunkers" program. In fact, so many people have decided to get a few thousand for their $500 vehicle that the program is running out of money, and searching for additional funding. Meanwhile, officials are also shocked that people like using coupons, and take chances in lotteries.

Great Scott Award
It certainly isn't Mr. Fusion. The driver in Auckland claimed that his vehicle was a time machine, and that it would turn invisible at 100 km/h. Unfortunately for the man, he was both responsible for a fatal accident, and for making out with his own mother.

Political Recklessness Award
A lawmaker in Connecticut was recently ticketed. What for, you may ask? He was ticketed for "reckless jogging" after he ran into the side of a truck. It's a shame, really. If only there were some committee that he could be part of that might help govern laws for vehicles and pedestrians while moving.

Spray Attention Award
People don't always think clearly at the gas station. Fumes combined with people grumpy over gas prices or other annoyances can certainly lead people to not think clearly. But we're fairly certain that there's still no excuse for spraying a fellow customer with gas because he asked you to move your car. Especially not at anything approaching $3/gallon.

Side Profit Award
With newspapers struggling to stay afloat, it should be no surprise that many reporters are looking to supplement their incomes. A veteran sports reporter did just that, turning to Craigslist. But he wasn't looking for freelancing gigs; he was engaging in prostitution. We're not sure, but we think that would go under the "ETC" section of the site.

A Quick Bang Award
What would you do if a woman you just met offered to take you into an alley and have sex for money? Believe that you'd found the jackpot, or walk away carefully, looking for squad cars? Well, it might not be a sting, but leaving still could be better, or you might get shot. We're fairly certain that the victims thought they'd be on the other end of any shooting.

That wraps up our awards for yet another week. We'll see you next week, same place as always, with new stories to inform and educate. Or whatever it is that we're doing. Stay safe out there.

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